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-   -   My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=113467)

GaleWhoring the Boring 09-28-2017 08:13 PM

My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
Hello darlings :bye:,

Though evident in the past while since I joined, we have our obvious differences, if there is one thing that's universal, we all cannot resist home baking, especially homemade, Gale-certified strawberry tart!

Let me share my secret

Gale Wendy-Force Hoaring's Delicious Homemade Irish Strawberry Tart

1 and a quarter cup of AP flour - the first and foremost base to deflower this tart!
4 tbs. of sweet, sweet sugar
1/2 tsp of straight up saltiness
6 sticks of warm, but firm butter
2 tb. of lard, usually Baptist ladies have some to spare
a dash of cinnamon and all-spic
2 pints of strawberries hulled and heaved
1/3 petroleum jelly to give it a little kick

For the sweet cream

5 large egg yolks, unfertilized
2/4 cups of more sugar, baby!
1 1/2 cup of hot milk
A bit of starch and slash of Cognac, rum, and vodka in that order
Squirt in a tablespoon of Irish cream and freshly churned butter


1. Get the oven nice and hot, 375 F should do. Get your free 4 inch springform tart pan and combine the flour, salt and sugar....and mix and mix and get it all nice and mingled.

2. Check for a pulse because we are going to pulsate that butter and shortening. And churn, and churn and add lots of water....lots of iced water. You want to hear about dark things at nice, you don't do it over a Bloody Caesar at brunch. Good? Now set it aside to chill out after all that pulsing.

3. Now roll out the dough and don't over stretch it! It should be nice and stiff after being in the fridge. Bake for 20 minutes until its browner than the Mexican pool boy.

4. Now, for the creamy finish. Get the sugar to sweeten up those eggs and beat it! Get it nice and thick and starch it up. Mix it nice and low and pour in your hot milk. It might look curdled but this is okay! It's normal. Just beat it with vigor, shake it all up. It will make a nice pudding. To loosen it up, slosh in all that booze. Get the pool boy to squeeze the custard out and pour into your tart crust.

5. Glaze it with your spicy jelly, and serve at your next bake sale!

Good eh? Try it now. It's bloody good tart!



Dr. Anthony J. Toole 09-28-2017 09:13 PM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
It sounds strange... but what man can resist some strange when it's served up on a silver platter. I'll taste your nasty pie, just don't tell anyone :eat:

Basilissa 09-28-2017 09:42 PM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by GaleWhoring (Post 1220705)
Hello darlings :bye:,

Though evident in the past while since I joined, we have our obvious differences, if there is one thing that's universal, we all cannot resist home baking, especially homemade, Gale-certified strawberry tart!

Let me share my secret

Gale Wendy-Force Hoaring's Delicious Homemade Irish Strawberry Tart

1 and a quarter cup of AP flour - the first and foremost base to deflower this tart!
4 tbs. of sweet, sweet sugar
1/2 tsp of straight up saltiness
6 sticks of warm, but firm butter
2 tb. of
lard, usually Baptist ladies have some to spare
a dash of cinnamon and all-spic
2 pints of
strawberries hulled and heaved
1/3 petroleum jelly to give it a little kick

For the sweet cream

5 large egg yolks, unfertilized
2/4 cups of more sugar, baby!
1 1/2 cup of hot milk
A bit of starch and slash of Cognac, rum, and vodka in that order
Squirt in a tablespoon of Irish cream and freshly churned butter


1. Get the oven nice and hot, 375 F should do. Get your free 4 inch springform tart pan and combine the flour, salt and sugar....and mix and mix and get it all nice and mingled.

2. Check for a pulse because we are going to pulsate that butter and shortening. And churn, and churn and add lots of water....lots of iced water. You want to hear about dark things at nice, you don't do it over a Bloody Caesar at brunch. Good? Now set it aside to chill out after all that pulsing.

3. Now roll out the dough and don't over stretch it! It should be nice and stiff after being in the fridge. Bake for 20 minutes until its browner than the Mexican pool boy.

4. Now, for the creamy finish. Get the sugar to sweeten up those eggs and beat it! Get it nice and thick and starch it up. Mix it nice and low and pour in your hot milk. It might look curdled but this is okay! It's normal. Just beat it with vigor, shake it all up. It will make a nice pudding. To loosen it up, slosh in all that booze. Get the pool boy to squeeze the custard out and pour into your tart crust.

5. Glaze it with your spicy jelly, and serve at your next bake sale!

Good eh? Try it now. It's bloody good tart!



I'm confused. The list of ingredients has things not listed on the directions. So what do we do with lard, cinnamon, and strawberries?

:confused:

GaleWhoring the Boring 09-28-2017 10:43 PM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
Oh my apologies, I wrote this off in a rush. I thought they'd be self-evident, but since not:

Lard - chill till nice and firm and beat in slowly with your floury millieu. That's what gives it the pastry texture.

cinnamon, I like to dash in at the same time you splash in the rum.

all-spice I like to crush myself with a mortar and pestle, and mix in with the petroleum to make spice-jelly. If you really want to go big, add some gelignite which works like agar.

The strawberries can be crushed with your feet which is the old Irish method. Take off your shoes first because you won't want the abscess of the outdoors in your tart.


Best :)

Basilissa 09-29-2017 12:12 AM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by GaleWhoring (Post 1220719)
The strawberries can be crushed with your feet which is the old Irish method.

Eww! I will never have any food of your making! :bad:

That sounds more disgusting that Peruvian corn beer brewed using corn pre-chewed by old ladies!

GaleWhoring the Boring 09-29-2017 12:55 AM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
Oh oh hush, you could handle it. The mixture of foot fungus enhances the fermentation process resulting in a poignant marriage with the alcohol when added. The final results are intoxicating. 😵 You must admit, the best tasting things have the most unusual preparation methods.

MitzaLizalor 09-29-2017 03:58 AM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
Does she mean it's made with fermented strawberries?

GaleWhoring the Boring 09-29-2017 11:21 AM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
Yes! To strengthen the boozy kick

Ezekiel Bathfire 09-29-2017 01:40 PM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
Irish tart is an anagram of arthritis...

GaleWhoring the Boring 09-29-2017 04:04 PM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire (Post 1220766)
Irish tart is an anagram of arthritis...


I have a touch of that in the hips.

MitzaLizalor 09-29-2017 05:00 PM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
no wonder you need anęsthetising

Maria-Rosa 09-29-2017 11:54 PM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
This sounds Delicious! I'll try the recipe!

Nobar King 09-30-2017 12:51 AM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
I'd like to point out that this thread is not posted to the right forum. Should be in Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women.

That's so I don't have to see stuff like this.

Basilissa 09-30-2017 01:17 AM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nobar King (Post 1220817)
I'd like to point out that this thread is not posted to the right forum. Should be in Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women.

That's so I don't have to see stuff like this.

Good idea indeed. :thumbsup:

WilliamJenningsBryan 09-30-2017 03:28 AM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire (Post 1220766)
Irish tart is an anagram of arthritis...

I had a hard time deciphering all the argot myself. The clue was the Bloody Caesar - only Canadians (frostbacks) down that swill.

GaleWhoring the Boring 09-30-2017 02:58 PM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
I did live in Canada for a period, and drank that stuff religiously. Canada is very Irish-centric.

Dr. Anthony J. Toole 10-05-2017 09:45 PM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by GaleWhoring (Post 1220852)
I did live in Canada for a period, and drank that stuff religiously. Canada is very Irish-centric.

It would not surprise me in the least if you spread your Irish tart all around Canada and probably got into some weird Canadian meat pies as well.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com...cd29050001.jpg

GaleWhoring the Boring 10-06-2017 03:32 AM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole (Post 1221280)
It would not surprise me in the least if you spread your Irish tart all around Canada and probably got into some weird Canadian meat pies as well.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com...cd29050001.jpg


Mmm, seal. God, I'm hungry. I want some meat!

Nobar King 10-06-2017 09:17 AM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
I hope you're having fun bragging about your menstrual cycle.
That's never happened here, before.

GaleWhoring the Boring 10-06-2017 05:50 PM

Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nobar King (Post 1221310)
I hope you're having fun bragging about your menstrual cycle.
That's never happened here, before.

You're making me hungry for dessert, Nobar!

https://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/me...itan-pizza.jpg


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