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-   -   Why Women Need Spanking! (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=3504)

Elmer Christianson 06-09-2007 02:28 AM

Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Folks, my heart really goes out to pro golfer John Daly. His spoiled wife attacked him with a knife right before a golf tournament. Imagine the shame of showing up at the green with red marks on your face.

No doubt, Daly's wife is to blame for his poor performance (on and off the green). But Daly is to blame for not disciplining his wife according to Biblical standards.

Daly's autobiography, "My Life In & Out of the Rough" details his lack of discipline in a chapter devoted to his three former wives that was titled, "All My Exes Wear Rolexes."

Let this tragedy remind all that our Lord Jesus Christ weeps when we don't properly discipline our wives. Next time you're over par at the course, try giving HER a few swats . . . it'll improve your swing.:thumbsup:

WilliamJenningsBryan 06-09-2007 09:15 AM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Amen Brother Elmer. The divorce rate in God's country has been an embarrassment for many decades now. Landover University has devoted some advanced study to the subject of Domestic Discipline. Spankings are necessary to punish or discourage nascent feminine misbehavior, provide a reminder of the woman's responsibilities, and enhance feminine submission. Where serious infraction occur, a full-fledged punishment spanking, where she is scolded, stripped and spanked to tears, is necessary for correction. Often times only a minor disciplinary session is required to correct minor examples of feminine misbehavior without having to go through the entire, lengthy process of a punishment spanking. Husbands should also establish a regular Maintenance Discipline schedule where she is given reminder spankings at set intervals to remind her of her obedience duties, the corrective authority of her husband, and other responsibilities as a female. And lastly there is Preemptive Discipline, which is to be given when there are early warning signs of incipient feminine misbehavior. These ultimately spare women from the pain of undergoing the more extensive punishment spanking and contribute to her personal development.

Pastor Ezekiel 06-09-2007 12:13 PM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
You know, golf clubs aren't just for whacking that little dimpled white ball home. I've found that a 7 iron works well in dealing out a Godly reminder that a truly RARE steak is still bloody, not just pink. :glare:

Obviously Brother Daley didn't know that.:thumbsup:

Old Iron Crotch 06-09-2007 12:32 PM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
It's a wonder that every woman in Freehold hasn't left. Or do you keep them chained to the stove so they can't?

Pastor Ezekiel 06-09-2007 01:15 PM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dances with Joy (Post 72208)
It's a wonder that every woman in Freehold hasn't left. Or do you keep them chained to the stove so they can't?

See, this just shows how uppity and lost you are. Our True Christian girls are perfectly happy to serve their Menfolk, following God's expectations. According to you they should all be hiding out at some lezbean secret safehouse hidden on the outskirts of Des Moines, but that place burned to the ground and not even the mexican contractors will rebuild it, Praise Jesus!

My girlfriend sister Thumper will tell you all about it once the swelling goes down. :threaten:

Elmer Christianson 06-09-2007 01:26 PM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dances with Joy (Post 72208)
It's a wonder that every woman in Freehold hasn't left. Or do you keep them chained to the stove so they can't?

Sometimes being chained to the stove is too good for her (like that dreaded week that comes every month). For "that time" I like to follow Brother Zeke's advice. And the dogloo is easy to keep clean with a garden hose.

Miss Hikari 06-09-2007 02:30 PM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
*scoff* If my boyfriend ever tries to spank me, I better be chained to the bed, and in leather. :devil:Other than that, he's getting a swift kick in the balls. That goes for anyone who tries that. Just so you know, If you spank your wife without her permission she can call 911, and you'll most likely be put in jail, for assault.

Glendora Christianson 06-09-2007 02:37 PM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Hikari (Post 72241)
*scoff* If my boyfriend ever tries to spank me, I better be chained to the bed, and in leather. :devil:Other than that, he's getting a swift kick in the balls. That goes for anyone who tries that. Just so you know, If you spank your wife without her permission she can call 911, and you'll most likely be put in jail, for assault

First of all, forgive me Jesus for being a woman and forgive me for violating the sanctity of the men's forum. But I find this Hellkari woman unbearable! First, she's advertising her Satanic perversions, then she says a man can be jailed for spanking HIS wife??? Where do these demon-spawn live? Certainly not in the Godly Mid-Western USA!

Pastor Ezekiel 06-09-2007 02:41 PM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Hikari (Post 72241)
*scoff* If my boyfriend ever tries to spank me, I better be chained to the bed, and in leather. :devil:Other than that, he's getting a swift kick in the balls. That goes for anyone who tries that. Just so you know, If you spank your wife without her permission she can call 911, and you'll most likely be put in jail, for assault.

Not in Freehold, you inbred chink. The True Christian™ girls around here submit willingly to the natural and Christ-ordered way. They bend over and grab ankle whenever commanded to do so. And that's when they get a warning...

Anyway, Brother BJ and his boys in security have the phones wired so that all 911 calls get routed to him. So no worries there, hop-sing. :thumbsup:

Miss Hikari 06-09-2007 02:52 PM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson (Post 72243)
First of all, forgive me Jesus for being a woman and forgive me for violating the sanctity of the men's forum. But I find this Hellkari woman unbearable! First, she's advertising her Satanic perversions, then she says a man can be jailed for spanking HIS wife??? Where do these demon-spawn live? Certainly not in the Godly Mid-Western USA!

I live in California, thank you very much. My boyfriend's from Illinois though. And I was just making a point. I've never done that. And I've barely even seen you around here, let alone talked to you, so I don't get how I can be so unbearable.
And yeah, your husband can be jailed. Unless the spanking is consensual, it's assault. Possibly Assault with a deadly weapon. It's called Domestic Violence. Heard of it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 72245)
Not in Freehold, you inbred chink. The True Christian™ girls around here submit willingly to the natural and Christ-ordered way. They bend over and grab ankle whenever commanded to do so. And that's when they get a warning...

Anyway, Brother BJ and his boys in security have the phones wired so that all 911 calls get routed to him. So no worries there, hop-sing. :thumbsup:

I feel truly sorry for the women in your community. I'll never submit to my boyfriend, unless I want to. And even then, he knows when he's going to far. An the 911 routing? Illegal. 100% Illegal. And I'll just choose to ignore the insults...

-Hii *disgusted and disappointed*

Shallow-izer 06-23-2007 05:43 PM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
:thumbsup:

Why women need spanking?

Cause the guys at thich church haver "urges."

Joo 06-24-2007 12:20 AM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Its never OK to hit someone period. Even though self defense can justify it to an extent, you still shouldn't be proud of nor happy about of what you did.

Even worse are those whom beat their wifes, it's utterly disgusting and just plain not cool. I'm serious here, I don't care what other things you've done, that's just low. :angry:

Old Iron Crotch 06-24-2007 12:22 AM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Shallow-izer (Post 77201)
:thumbsup:

Why women need spanking?

Cause the guys at thich church haver "urges."


In case you haven't noticed, Landovites are obsessed with spanking (wives and monkeys) and anal sex.

Pastor Ezekiel 06-24-2007 12:26 AM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Women are naturally empty-headed. They wake up in a new world about every 20 minutes. Sometimes getting the back of their Godly husband's hand is just what they need. The Bible commands us men to "subjugate" them, so there you go. God knows what's best. :thumbsup:

Joo 06-24-2007 12:27 AM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 77404)
Women are naturally empty-headed. They wake up in a new world about every 20 minutes. Sometimes getting the back of their Godly husband's hand is just what they need. The Bible commands us men to "subjugate" them, so there you go. God knows what's best. :thumbsup:

I don't care what some old book tells me to do, I'm not going to hit women.

Betty Lambskin 06-24-2007 04:17 AM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 72202)
You know, golf clubs aren't just for whacking that little dimpled white ball home. I've found that a 7 iron works well in dealing out a Godly reminder that a truly RARE steak is still bloody, not just pink. :glare:

Obviously Brother Daley didn't know that.:thumbsup:

Just have to say that I LOVE this thread! Spanking is one of the tools I believe God has truly blessed men with, they do it so well, they really know how to get a gal to wake up and bake the pie already! Only I've never felt the sting of a 7 iron, I think this would enliven our evening devotional time and I do wish to bring it up with my better half tomorrow.
Great thoughts!

Unsaved and Loving It 06-24-2007 04:36 AM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 77404)
Women are naturally empty-headed. They wake up in a new world about every 20 minutes. Sometimes getting the back of their Godly husband's hand is just what they need. The Bible commands us men to "subjugate" them, so there you go. God knows what's best. :thumbsup:

Isn't ego a sin?

Seriously. Woman beaters do have fun and all, oh yes.



In the Prison Shower Room!:angry:

Pastor Ezekiel 06-24-2007 12:32 PM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unsaved and Loving It (Post 77559)
Isn't ego a sin?

Yes, one of many common in uppity feminazi females. Right you are! :thumbsup:

Seriously. Woman beaters do have fun and all, oh yes.

I wouldn't call it fun exactly. It can be hard work. Really hard. B)

Shallow-izer 06-24-2007 10:10 PM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 77611)
I wouldn't call it fun exactly. It can be hard work. Really hard. B)

You should know, you're always on the recieving end of God's love.

:thumbsup:

Pastor Ezekiel 06-25-2007 01:12 AM

Re: Why Women Need Spanking!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Shallow-izer (Post 77772)
You should know, you're always on the recieving end of God's love.

:thumbsup:

Why thank you, I think. That's the first time you've had a civil tongue in your head. Maybe Jesus is working on you even now....


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