Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?
Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
First of all, thank you for all the messages left on my voicemail and in my inbox expressing concern over why my family and I were not in attendance at services this past Sunday. We're in Florida, and we'll be here until at least Wednesday. We attended services here, and I have already emailed photographic evidence of our attendance and a signed statement on church letterhead from one of the pastors down here to the church office. My father-in-law passed away unexpectedly Friday morning, and we piled into the van and booked it to Boca Raton to perform an emergency resurrection, as commanded by Jesus. Matthew 10:7-8 And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand. Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give. This was my first attempt at raising the dead, and I have no reason to suspect that Hal is anywhere other than pressed firmly against the gentle bosom of our Savior. However, my wife was distraught at not having been able to say goodbye, and I figured it would be a good opportunity to show my boys what a true man of God is capable of - just to drive home the point I made last spring when I regenerated two of young Isaiah's severed fingers through the power of prayer following his unfortunate mishap with the boat. Matthew 17:20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you. By the time we got here, Hal's body had already been embalmed and was in cold storage. While my wife and three youngest sons distracted the staff, I snuck into the morgue with Isaiah and Leviticus following closely behind. We found his drawer, pulled it out, prayed for the LORD's succor, layed our hands on him, and cried out in unision: "I command you, in the name of :jesus-fancy:, to come to life NOW!" Nothing. So I picked Hal up into my arms, and I just began to command life. And I just began to love on Hal. I began to speak over him: ":lord-fancy: :jesus-fancy:, send forth the life-giving Spirit in Hal, and bring life into back into this body." I just began to pray over him, like that. Not a command - I had compassion in my heart. And for a moment, I heard air whooshing into his nostrils and saw his chest heave. My sons saw it too. And again ... Then nothing. We went on for another several minutes before an orderly walked in on us and had us escorted from the hospital. Such persecution is to be expected in these End Times, so we called it a night and went down to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner and rested up for church services the following morning. So while I am personally disappointed at not being able to perform a miraculous resurrection to impress my sons, we are at least assured of Hal's place at Jesus' side. Thinking back on why it didn't work, it's probably because he was already embalmed by the time we got there. It's not as if I've never worked miracles before, so I know it's not me. Has anyone else tried to put Matthew 10:8 into practice? How did it go? I'd like to compare notes so that things go better on my next attempt. |
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This sounds fun. I wish my dad did stuff like this with me to impress me when I was growing up. Instead he just showed me his penis in the shower when I was little. He thought thats all there is to being a dad.
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Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?
Pastor Pistle and I have raised the dead a few times. It's pretty expensive though.
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My condolences, Brother Jed, on your loss. If you're having an open-casket funeral, you might just want to discreetly double check that your father-in-law is in fact dead. Your prayer might have had a delayed effect. It would be such a shame if he were raised from the dead only to be buried alive. I'm having visions of him trapped in that drawer down at the morgue trying to get out.
I saw my father briefly raised from the dead. He was working outside when suddenly he gasped and collapsed on the ground. My mother rushed over to him to find that he'd stopped breathing. Kneeling beside him, weeping, she prayed. My younger sisters and I gathered around. How long she prayed I couldn't say. It seemed like a long time. But eventually his eyelids fluttered. His chest heaved and his fingers started to twitch. He made some strange vocalisations. I couldn't make out any words; it was more like moaning. At one point I'm sure he suddenly jerked and sat partway up, but flopped back down again. Finally he soiled himself, and then that was it. He was gone for good this time. But I had definitely witnessed a partial resurrection. Evangelist Smith Wigglesworth raised the dead. Quote:
You and your family are in my prayers at this time. I'm still having mental images of your father-in-law trapped in a drawer at the morgue. Perhaps I should pray that if God did end up resurrecting him after you left, He would now be merciful and end his suffering and take him back to be at His side. |
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I raised the dead once. My old friend, Duane Jefferson, flew over from LA and stayed for a few weeks. I took him to the airport and he got on his flight OK. However, as I was getting out my car, I heard on the news that his flight had gone down.
Instantly, I called, “Duane! Hear me! You are alive! Arise! Walk!” As it happened he called me an hour later and told me that he had been delayed in the bar by a young lady and missed his flight. However, I credited this as a miracle. The point was that neither I nor anyone else knew if he were alive or dead and he could have been either but the belief had to be that he was dead. What had happened was that Jesus had placed him in this uncertain state and then returned Duane to us. My prayer had traveled back through time and altered the fatal outcome. |
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Guys, you do know that in the Old Testament, necromancy is banned and Saul was condemned for raising Samuel from the dead, right?
And also, did you really raise people from the dead or is it just cognitive dissonance setting in? I mean God placed the cherub in front of the Tree of Life for a reason. (Genesis 3:25) :lol: |
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Skeptics are always saying that if God exists, we should be able to see evidence of His existence. But whenever they are confronted with evidence of God's existence, they reject it on the grounds that God doesn't exist. Take raising the dead, for example. Whenever someone dies and comes back, doctors say the person was only clinically dead -- because if he was really dead he would never have come back! This is the kind of circular logic we're up against. Please also start a thread in the introduction forum and tell us what church you attend, your favorite Bible verse and how you found Jesus. |
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Raise the dead? No, but I have seen limbs grow back!
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Proof that God still raises the dead, from CNN.
Even in the Bible Belt, coroners don't use the word "miracle" lightly. Well, skeptics, the ball is in your court. The burden of proof is on you to 1) prove that a miracle did not occur and 2) prove that the God of the Bible didn't do it. |
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I'm sure if this report was from a source other than the Godless CNN, they would have included the prayers of the family into the story. Surely they prayed, or God wouldn't have had a prayer to answer.
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Do I have any experience raising the dead? Only each time I have to force my wife up off her fat, lazy ass to fetch me a beer!!:thumbsup:
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I know a joo who made a gollum once. It was pretty gross.
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Well, I am rather pleased to be back from Philadelphia after attending the conference on “The Historicized And Mythologized Naiveté Of 19th Century Nationalist Accounts Of The Christian View Of Multiculturalism In Ottoman Cyprus.” The main speaker, Dr Evangelou Papadopoulos, lost me from the start with his impenetrable accent, monotone voice and PowerPoint presentation that was entirely upside down. Basically, it seems that the Cypriots were lax and liberal and didn’t give a damn who or what you worshiped as long as there was cheap wine. This is no way to run a country so it’s small wonder that God saw fit to divide their Island in the 20th century.
However, this is not the point. It seems that some True Christian was there too and an attempt at resurrection was made: Quote:
If we look at the case above, we can see immediately what has happened: 1. Jesus dies temporarily –> some guy in hospital dies 2. Jesus is taken to the tomb –> some guy is taken to the morgue 3. Jesus is placed in a tomb –> some guy is placed in an ambulance 4. The rock on the tomb is rolled away –> the doors of the ambulance are cast open with a great castance. 5. Jesus exits the tomb – gurney and body exit onto the freeway. Now I would say that resurrecting a moving body is not as simple as you may think. Whereas with a stationary body you can concentrate your faith on the body and on Jesus, if the body’s doing a steady 30mph, this is not so easy and that delicate step of the rolling aside of the [metaphorical] rock and the exit of the “resurrectee” has to be handled carefully. I suspect that the True Christian involved is no longer a member of Landover, perhaps it was someone like Rev. Rodimer, but whatever the case, Landover now demands that anyone wishing to resurrect a body, or attempt same, obtain a permit from Pastor Zeke or myself. |
Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?
This is what happens if you don't have enough faith.
A CANADIAN family has admitted to leaving the dead body of a man upstairs for six months, believing their prayers would resurrect him. It has been revealed that Kaling Wald left her husband Peter to rot in an upstairs bedroom, truly expecting that their faith in God would make him rise from the dead. Mrs Wald, 50, has pleaded guilty to failing to notify authorities that her husband had died due to a sickness that was not being treated by a doctor, The Hamilton Spectator reports. Assistant crown attorney Janet Booy argued that Mrs Wald had no ill intent, but rather her belief in God had “tainted and warped her better judgment”. “We were trusting God … we thought, ‘OK Lord, you know better’,” Mrs Wald told The Spectator outside court yesterday. Mr Wald died about March 20 after contracting a foot infection as a result of his diabetes. He refused to see a doctor because he believed God would cure him. He fell into a coma, his stomach began to bloat and his forehead started to show signs of rigor mortis. Mrs Wald covered the body with two blankets, put a beanie on his head, padlocked the bedroom door and sealed the door and vents to mask the smell of the decomposing body. The corpse was found six months later. It was so rotten that it had attracted rodents and was unable to be identified. However, the prosecutor acknowledged that Mrs Wald had no criminal intent. “It’s an extremely sad case … she truly believed her husband was going to be resurrected from the dead, even after six months,” Ms Booy said. Mrs Wald received a suspended sentence, was put on 18 months’ probation and was ordered to seek counselling. “This is not about your religious beliefs. It is about your safety, the safety of your children and the safety of the community at large,” Superior Court Justice Marjoh Agro told Mrs Wald. Mrs Wald lived in the house with five of their six children, aged 11 to 22, and seven other adult friends. The family was known for spreading its religious beliefs throughout the area. “It was unusual, yes. It was certainly not normal,” Mrs Wald told The Hamilton Spectator. “And we won’t do that again … laws exist and we know that now.” This is the first case of its kind known of in Canada. |
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