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-   -   How to Recognize a Homosexual (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=60892)

Mrs. Mary Whitford 03-09-2011 06:22 PM

How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
While we know that the vast majority of sodomites are mincing nancyboys who lisp and try to walk like women, there are some who attempt to disguise themselves as real men in order to hide their homosexual agenda recruitment from the eyes of normal people.
Because of this, it's useful for True Christians™ to have a guide to help them tell who is an unrepentant sodomite that needs to be kept far away from our children.
There are two categories for these signs, obvious and not so obvious. Remember, any one of these can mean that you are looking at a raging queer who will stop at nothing to destroy America and the traditional family.

Obvious
Lisps
Minces
Wears women clothing
Enjoys the WNBA
Wears pink
Goes to live theater
Watches "chick flicks"
Doesn't care for John Wayne movies
Votes Democrat
The only picture of a woman he has is of Rachel Maddow, Liza Minnelli, or Cher
Works at a beauty parlor
Works as a stewardess
Works as an interior decorator
Works as a nurse
Liberal

Not so obvious
Enjoys gardening but isn't a Mexican't or Oriental
Goes to proper sporting events but just stares at the players instead of cheering
Goes to "hair salons" instead of barber shops
"Metros*xual"
Over 25 and not yet married
Does anything with flowers, including being submissive enough to give them to his "wife"
Goes to a gym (that isn't The Taut Christian)
Votes Republican, but only for "moderates"
Watches MSNBC
Complains about Fox News
Listens to "pop" music
Is a public school teacher
Claims to be an "atheist"
Claims to be a "buddhist"
Claims to be a "catholic"
Let's face it, if he's not a True Christian™, he probably relishes any chance he has to spit in the face of Jesus
Cooks in the kitchen instead of on a BBQ
Only plays touch football
Is against hunting
Hates guns
Paints his walls any color except white
Can tell the difference between "white" and "off-white"
Is anti-American
Doesn't want to be American
Protests against wars
Anti-capital punishment (no surprise, because once God's Law is back in effect in this country...)
Wears any jewelry other than a manly watch
Yes, that includes a "wedding ring", something only today's feminized men insist on wearing

Bobby-Joe 03-09-2011 07:12 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
More signs of a Homosexual

Refuses a side of ranch with his dinner at Applebees
Wears sandals
Belongs to a union
Has long hair
Owns a model train set
Has ever been on unemployment
Owns a car that is considered mid size or smaller
Has ever cried.
Knows how to "manscape"

Wide-Open 03-09-2011 07:23 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
Even more signs

Pretends to be "tolerant" and says "to each their own"
Calls negras "African Americans"
Doesn't know how to fix an engine
Calls dogs "cute"
Watches musicals
Likes "ethnic music"
Doesn't believe in home schooling
Has S*x And The City on DVD

Pastor Isaac Peters 03-09-2011 07:47 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
  • Listens to NPR
  • Doesn't drive an SUV (bonus faggotry points if he uses public transportation)
  • Reads the JYT
  • Over 18 but still has a waist size of 30 or less
  • Wears clothing from Abercrombie & Fitch or American Apparel (bonus faggotry points if it fits correctly)
  • Vacations in Christ-hating Europistan
  • Enters the city limits of any city of 500,000 or more for any reason other than work or evangelism
  • Likes ethnic food
  • Actually enjoys clothes shopping

Zechariah Smyth 03-09-2011 07:56 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
Yet More Signs

- owns a MacBook
- has a Twitter account
- does anything whatsoever with his eyebrows
- collects anything (other than firearms)
- has had more than one prostate exam

Mrs. Mary Whitford 03-09-2011 08:03 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
Enjoys professional wrestling
Doesn't care for decent, good old amateur wrestling
Has muscles too big to come from farm work or other honest labor
Puts anything in his hair other than classic Brylcreem and a comb
Plays with children
Eats fruit (especially bananas)
Knows what kind of mushroom that is on his plate
Dances

Nobar King 03-09-2011 08:07 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
Boy uses girl's bathroom.
Those pink triangles are located in front of the house:
http://lh4.ggpht.com/nobar.king2/SGx...riangles-2.JPG
Oral Herpes.
Smokes the Marijuana.

Mac Users.
Plays Super Mario.

Brother Harold Porter 03-09-2011 08:20 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
Wears a "fanny" pack
Carries a Swiss "Army" knife
Owns a Kindle
Is a member of the Sierra Club
Plays tennis
Vacations at "Sandals"
His favorite actor is "Shrek"
Owns a "personal grooming" kit

SUV 03-09-2011 08:26 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
Don't they drive something called a "Chevrolet" too? :(

Mrs. Mary Whitford 03-09-2011 08:31 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by SUV (Post 707482)
Don't they drive something called a "Chevrolet" too? :(

Possibly! But for sure...

Drives a Prius
Drives a "Smart" Car
Drives any hybrid vehicle
Drives any electric vehicle
Drives any Japanese or Korean vehicle

Bobby-Joe 03-09-2011 08:41 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria (Post 707484)
Possibly! But for sure...

Drives a Prius
Drives a "Smart" Car
Drives any hybrid vehicle
Drives any electric vehicle
Drives any Japanese or Korean vehicle

Add

Drives any care made by a union bum.

Mrs. Mary Whitford 03-09-2011 08:52 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
Reads any Bible other than the KJV1611 for reasons other than proving the false Bibles to be contrary to the Word of God
Believes in evolution
Is a liberal arts major in college
Goes to an un-Christian college
Drinks any sort of coffee other than an ordinary cup o' joe
Puts more than two scoops of sugar into their cup o' joe
Is a vegetarian
Considers himself a feminazi
Thinks Hillary Clinton is the bee's knees
Sings in the shower
Has baths instead of showers

Daisy Mae Johnson 03-09-2011 09:07 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
Has Red Hair
Goes to a Gym
Get's "mani-cures"
Loves River Dancing videos

SUV 03-09-2011 09:52 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
Wears (ohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod) "Manties"


Looks like it could even be O'Bomber modeling them :(

Mrs. Mary Whitford 03-09-2011 10:07 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
:fear2: NSFW!!!:fear2:

John Creeser 03-09-2011 10:51 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter (Post 707477)
Wears a "fanny" pack

The dreaded "man purse" - this is akin to waving the gay pride flag.

Personally, I am suspicious of anyone that doesn't carry around hand sanitizer. They obviously don't care that the Aid is everywhere or that they'll catch it.

Also, any man who is grocery shopping, they're obvious homers. How do I know this (besides it being the woman's job)? Because of this study:

72 percent of the carts had a positive marker for fecal matter

Those damned (sorry for the curse word, I get so mad) do not wash themselves after they've covered themselves in filth:angry:


Bobby-Joe 03-09-2011 11:03 PM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
  • Anyone who makes less than $40,000 is a Homosexual
  • Anyone who lives in California is a Homosexual (excepting Bakersfield)
  • Anyone who has more than two syllables in his last name is a Homosexual.
  • Anyone who prefers brown mustard on their burgers is a Homosexual.
  • Anyone who doesn't own Lee Greenwood's album You've Got a Good Love Comin' and has God Bless the USA ready on the DVD player for the home entertainment center is a Homosexual.
  • Anyone who rides a bicycle is a Homosexual.
  • Anyone who owns any product from Apple Computer is a Homosexual.

Felicity 03-10-2011 12:27 AM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
Everyone who is not a True Christian™ is a homosexual! :bad:

renaldude 03-10-2011 05:31 AM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
Wow, hell by birthplace, thanks a lot brothers and sisters.

Mrs. Mary Whitford 03-10-2011 05:42 AM

Re: How to Recognize a Homosexual
 
If you're in San Francisco, it's incredibly easy to spot a homosexual. Look around you and everyone you see is a sodomite.


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