JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Windows made billions for Billy-Bob Gates. MAC-OS, whatever that is, made millionaires out of those two hippies, Jobs and the Pollock. But now, we have something completely different! An operating system that NEVER REQUIRES AN UPGRADE.
JesOS! |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Pastor Al and Brothers and Sisters in Christ Jesus,
We have put together a press release regarding JesOS™. The features (and there are dozens more many of you know about since you have been testing the system now for the last several months) are outlined as well as some screen shots during the early test phases from Brother Ezekiel's home PC. Thanks to the Landover Baptist Community College, and the Department of Creation Science for making this possible. Please pick up your $800 complimentary copy of JesOS™ in the church lobby after this Sunday's service. The system is required to be loaded on all church members' and family PCs by October 15, or you will be fined $1200. $800 will cover the cost of the sofware and $200 for the Landover Community College tech dept to install the software. The other $200 will go to Jesus. Please use this area to post any glitches, praise offerings, experiences, or new discoveries as we migrate the entire church over to JesOS™. (PRESS RELEASE: http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0907/jesOS.html) |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Cruciform Christ! I mean, Sweet JesOS, there he is! Pastor Deacon FRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :wub:
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
Things couldn't be better! Double plus good!! Glory!! |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
You know, I had no idea that one of the various names for a cat is also the name for a woman's... you know. :blushroll: There I was, JesOS™ freshly installed, and I decided to test it out and search for some pictures of young women playing with sweet kitties to share with our own delightful Petal (who has been a little down in the dumps lately it's true), when the next thing I know, Landover Security was at my door!
After spending the next five hours explaining myself to a trio of pastors, everything was sorted out and I was allowed to return home with the provision that I only search the words "cat", "kitten", and "kitty" or their plurals from now on if I want to find pictures of these delightful creatures. PRAISE JESUS! This operating system works better than I could ever have hoped for! Now we finally have safe computing for all True Christians™, children and adults alike! |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
Hmmmm, some of the most innocent words for things can have ... um ... other meanings, so that we ladies must be constantly on the lookout for our Christian virtue and decorum. :giggle: |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Why would a GODLY Pastor communicate with a.....with a......a........what the heck IS Ian/Ina?
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
I have been networking with business associates and we have discussed possible software bundles for JesOS™.
Idealy, we would like a system whereby immoral software is detected, deleted, and then replaced by an appropriate Christian program. For example: Program .................. Replaced with: Wolfenstien.............. Super 3D Noah's Ark Toilet Kids.................Spiritual Warfare Starcraft...................Left Behind: Eternal Forces Tetris.......................Exodus: Journey to the Promise Land Civilization.................JFK Reloaded |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
I think there needs to be an implement/extra feature that tracks each individuals location, web-traffic, email, instant message conversations, credit card numbers and bank account access for extra tithing, and virtually every aspect of each individual's internet lives. This way if there are terrorists or FALSE Christians attempting to dissect the software for their perverse satanic causes we'll know about it.
I've noticed the strong security implements that have already been installed, but why not take it a step further with mandatory automatic updates that increase these features? Plus, what harm would it do? You can't hide anything from Jesus, so why would you have to hide anything from the creators of JesOS and the DOF? |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Well, I have a long wishlist of features I'd like to see, but I just got some intel about how our programmers are going to be far to busy to impliment very much at the moment.
It turns out that Ron Paul is getting an awful lot of votes and might actually win the Republican Nomination. A whole new generation of voting machines have to be programmed to make sure that never happens. So don't panic because of all those internet polls that Ron Paul has won, he won't win jack in the primaries. Diebold and friends are seeing to that. |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
The linked article makes it sound like a bad thing to bring diversity and multiculturalism to the development of software. Then again, we should rely less on technology and the linear, syllogistic, Eurocentric throught processes that produced it.
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Is there any way we can modify JesOS so it kills more trees? Dolphins would be good as well, or any furry baby animal with big eyes.
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
However, after reading of disturbing developments in human-animal breeding, I'm worrying that some of these fetuses might be part-human. |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
I'm working on the hardware aspect of it now, through a generous research grant.... If all goes well, we will have a diesel powered computer by Christmas!
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
where i can download it?
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
Why not post something about yourself in the "introductions" thread? We'd like to get to know you... |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
ohh sorry, I joined here because is interesting this Os, catolic guy. I will write some about me.
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
I look forward to hearing about your favorite Bible verses. :thumbsup: |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Well, friend. I'll tell you how you can get JesOS. It isn't available as a download. It's free as in salvation. First, you have to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, and you have to demonstrate your salvation by setting up a generous tithing schedule.
Once you have been a member in good standing for long enough, we will send a technician over to your house to install the software. As part of the License Agreement, you will have to agree to a search of your property for alcohol, drugs, pornography, and books about liberal politics or science, with all contraband being confiscated, and your tithing schedule adjusted upwards accordingly. Pastor Billy-Reuben |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
We need to conduct an audit. Some atheist over at RichardDawkins.net has a copy of the JesOS install CD. Who is missing their copy? You will be much better off if you come clean now instead of waiting for Bobby Joe's security detail to perform house-to-house searches.
Quote:
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
I want to go too :repent: |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
WTF?!!??!!!?!?! yall r soooooo gay! like someone is going to actually care if yall gave the download to other people or not. yall r being just like Mircrosoft! JesOS should be a freely distributed form of OS and remember that Jesus wants to good to ALL humanity not only Christians so if you just kept that OS to ur selves Jeses him self is going to get mad at you.
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
Next you'll tell us you want it open source so you can re-compile it with the automatic tithing and porn blocking disabled. Pastor Billy-Reuben |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
lol i didnt say i want the source i just said the OS i never said anything about the source plus puttin that in reality its just like what Jesus said that everyone have the right to choose what ever he wants but if he choose the wrong path then your pretty much going to hell and thats the same thing for the software if someone disabled the porn blocker then good for him, the spiders in hell r also waitin for him
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
Thank you. Pastor Billy-Reuben |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Where's the download link?
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
Please read the thread before posting. Thank you, and have a blessed day. |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Pastor Peters, is there a newer version of JesOS? I currently have 7.21 Not there is anything wrong with it but I was wondering if there are any enhancements to improve the Biblical experience.
|
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
Forgive me pastor, I didn't realize it was that simple. I don't even have to install it myself? |
Re: JesOS: What's in YOUR future?
Quote:
|
All times are GMT. The time now is 02:28 AM. |
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved