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-   -   Talk like a liberal false Christian! (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=85584)

Pastor Isaac Peters 12-14-2012 12:23 AM

Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
Just what it says on the wrapper: Give us your best impersonation of the sort of pseudo-Christian space cadet who only thinks he's saved. I'll start.

You Landover Baptists are a bunch of evil, hate-filled, backwoods redneck hicks, and you'll be the first ones to go to hell. How can you not know that only God is allowed to judge?

Levi Jones 12-14-2012 12:46 AM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
The Old Testament doesn't apply except the ten commandments, Psalms and Proverbs, but only the parts of them I happen to agree with my 21st century sense of morality.

The other parts are merely ceremonial laws that were only meant for the Jews.

Who decides what I follow and don't? Um, Jesus whispers it in my ear. Yeah, the Holy Spirit tells me what I should follow or not.

Levi Jones 12-14-2012 12:53 AM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
I follow every word of the New Testament, except the parts I don't like. The parts I don't like were only meant between Jesus and His disciples, Jesus and the Pharisees or between Paul and the church he was writing to. And the parts of Revelation I don't like, are all symbolic.

Pastor Isaac Peters 12-14-2012 01:03 AM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
Jesus never said anything about homosexuality; therefore, you shouldn't, either.

(True Christian™ quotes the Epistles)

Excuse me, but it's called Christianity, not Paulianity.

Levi Jones 12-14-2012 01:09 AM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters (Post 958324)

Excuse me, but it's called Christianity, not Paulianity.

And Jesus came to do away with the law.

(True Christian™ shows where Jesus tells us to follow the Law in the Gospels.)

Well, check out Colossians, Galatians, Romans and 1 Corinthians that I think say He did come to do away with the Old Testament Law!

Mary Etheldreda 12-14-2012 01:13 AM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
Jesus loved everyone sooo much, that he died on the cross for everyone to go to Heaven, whether they knew it and believed or not. Cathlics will go to Heaven, and hindus will go to Heaven, and mooslims will go to Heaven, and especially Native Americans who were like the first pagans and close to nature and stuff, they will go to Heaven too.


:squee:

Pim Pendergast 12-14-2012 05:12 AM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
The Flood wasn't really global; it was just a local flooding of the Mesopotamian Basin. That's why God set the rainbow in the sky, as a reminder of His promise that He would never send any more local floods. Genesis 1 isn't meant to be taken literally either. There's just too much scientific evidence to the contrary. God made the world over billions of years and allowed evolution to give us the species we have today.

I like my NIV because it cuts out some of the unfavourable passages in the KJV and uses language I can understand better.

VictoryOS 12-14-2012 05:27 AM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
My favorite Bible verse is John 3:16! Jesus loves everyone regardless of what sins or blasphemies they commit. Now excuse me, I have to go engage in homosexual activities and save the whales and smoke drugs.

Zechariah Smyth 12-14-2012 05:40 AM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
Some people take the Bible waaaaay too seriously. It's more of a guideline than specific rules.

Pastor Ezekiel 12-14-2012 05:43 AM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
Jesus didn't really hate queers. He never talked about them, God loves everyone, and anyway times have changed.

Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson 12-14-2012 06:53 AM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
The King James is a horrible translation. Modern scholars are so much more in tune with what Jesus said and meant than they were 400 years ago!
They didn't even have computers then!

Pastor Isaac Peters 12-14-2012 01:20 PM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
The Bible is a collection of myths, mistranslations, and moral codes that may have made sense back then — except for the parts that I like, which are a crystal clear expression of God's eternal will.

Pim Pendergast 12-14-2012 01:59 PM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
Animals go to heaven. Children aren't in danger of being sent to hell until they reach the age of accountability (that's a doctrine I made up without any basis in Scripture). People who live in remote places that have never heard the Gospel might go to heaven after they die if they lived a good life. I'll just ignore Romans 1 and John 14:6.

Pastor Isaac Peters 12-14-2012 02:24 PM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
What you're saying is just so hurtful. The God I know is a God of love, and He would never mean such a thing. You have to be interpreting it wrong.

John Creeser 12-14-2012 04:03 PM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
Have I read the Bible? Well, some New Testament passages, but I don't need to read all of it - I have a personal relationship with God.:wub:

Bob4God 12-14-2012 08:56 PM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
JUDGE NOT, LEST YOU BE JUDGED!

Christ taught us to love each other no matter what, not to hate!

Zechariah Smyth 12-14-2012 09:50 PM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
Jesus said to love your neighbor, and everybody is your neighbor!

Pastor Isaac Peters 12-14-2012 09:51 PM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
Love the sinner; hate the sin. That's in the Bible somewhere, right?

Didymus Much 12-14-2012 10:07 PM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters (Post 958543)
Love the sinner; hate the sin. That's in the Bible somewhere, right?

Right after the bit where Jesus says God created all men humans equal. :thumbsup:

Pim Pendergast 12-15-2012 04:43 AM

Re: Talk like a liberal false Christian!
 
I'm sure all those children killed in the Connecticut school shooting are now in the loving embrace of Jesus, while the gunman is now burning in hell -- even though he may have repented just as he was committing suicide. God didn't will this to happen; He simply allowed it to happen.


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