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-   -   I hope Jesus Posts Again (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=94357)

Brother Larry 11-12-2013 03:39 AM

I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
:lord-fancy: :jesus-fancy:,

I hope You will post again this year. I wasn't part of this forum when You chose to bless us with Your Presence. I'm just an unworthy servant, with no one that cares much about me - but I know You care.

If You will even say hello, it would be enough to last a lifetime.

"I can't believe how I wasted all of those years. I can't believe that I cried so many tears. If my love could be measured by the tears that I've cried, there'd be an ocean from where I stand that would reach to the other side. Jesus, I'm an open book. Won't you read every page of my heart? Jesus won't you take a look and help me make a brand new start."

Humbly,
Brother Larry

Pastor Ezekiel 11-12-2013 03:44 AM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
He says if you Tithe and Pray enough He will consider an appearance. But you have to give till it hurts. :jesus-stoning:

ResurrectedGhost 11-12-2013 04:54 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 1040728)
He says if you Tithe and Pray enough He will consider an appearance. But you have to give till it hurts. :jesus-stoning:

I'm not currently earning, and so cant tithe (a tenth of nothing is...well..nothing). Can i still be saved Pastor?

Dr Laurence Niles 11-12-2013 05:00 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ResurrectedGhost (Post 1040880)
I'm not currently earning, and so cant tithe (a tenth of nothing is...well..nothing). Can i still be saved Pastor?

Please introduce yourself in the introduction forum.

YIC

Mary Etheldreda 11-12-2013 05:02 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ResurrectedGhost (Post 1040880)
I'm not currently earning, and so cant tithe (a tenth of nothing is...well..nothing). Can i still be saved Pastor?

Not with that kind of attitude, dear.

:)

winstonthewhiner 11-12-2013 06:23 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 1040728)
He says if you Tithe and Pray enough He will consider an appearance. But you have to give till it hurts. :jesus-stoning:

And there we have it. One reason why I am so sceptical of the catholic church. You also fud the popes palace.

Ah, it seems to me any divine and sacred church is in fact a very profane, profit oriented enterprise. A shame it is subsidized by the state through tax relieves.

Didymus Much 11-12-2013 06:34 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by winstonsomething (Post 1040908)
And there we have it. One reason why I am so sceptical of the catholic church. You also fud the popes palace...

Earth to Winston, Earth to Winston, come in Winston...

IS THIS THING ON??!?

Uh, ok, now, repeat after me: "Landover BAPTIST Church is not Catholic, has nothing to do with Catholics, does not fund the Catholic Church, and believes that all Catholics are going to Hell just as fast as that Didymus Much asshole that keeps pestering them for actually following every word of the King James Bible". :angry:

John Creeser 11-12-2013 06:57 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Didymus Much (Post 1040914)
Earth to Winston, Earth to Winston, come in Winston...

IS THIS THING ON??!?

Uh, ok, now, repeat after me: "Landover BAPTIST Church is not Catholic, has nothing to do with Catholics, does not fund the Catholic Church, and believes that all Catholics are going to Hell just as fast as that Didymus Much asshole that keeps pestering them for actually following every word of the King James Bible". :angry:

I can't believe I am going to say this, but Thank You for clarifying that.

Winston! What the heathen said ^^^.

Mary Etheldreda 11-12-2013 07:03 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Do I want to know what it means to "fud the palace"?

:wacko:

winstonthewhiner 11-12-2013 08:45 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda (Post 1040922)
Do I want to know what it means to "fud the palace"?

:wacko:

Fund the palace. And I know, you are not catholic. That's not the point. The point is Landover Baptist church is a church. Churches receive tax benefits. I find that inappropriate given your strong profit orientation.

The mentioning of the catholic church was just a simile. I apologize if there were any misunderstandings. I should have made myself clearer.

Mary Etheldreda 11-12-2013 09:06 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by winstonsomething (Post 1040931)
Churches receive tax benefits. I find that inappropriate given your strong profit orientation.

That's only because you don't understand the nature of our work, or the necessity of it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond (Post 870142)
Biblical Law calls for True Christian™ churches to be funded with a 10% income tax (Genesis 28:22). Also, we get to draft your firstborn child: (Exodus 13:12-13) This is not an optional donation, God states clearly that failure to pay this tax is a crime:

Malachi 3:8 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.

This will be a flat tax, except for the poor, who are to give everything: Mark 12:41-44.

Needed: new 10% tax to fund Christianity. Also, conscription

Latest research suggests churches and religious organizations in the United States receive more than 82.5 billion US dollars per year in tax subsidies. Clearly that is not enough. We don't spend it on foolishness like the catholics. You won't see Pastor Zeke in some goofy fishhead hat, silk dresses and fancy women's shoes.


He travels in style because the LORD blesses him and his hard work through the generous gifts of his flock, not because he's obsessed with bullet proof glass. He knows the LORD will protect him. And some of the places he travels are very remote. You think he finds his Indonesian house boys through the local Merry Maids?


winstonthewhiner 11-12-2013 10:43 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda (Post 1040937)
That's only because you don't understand the nature of our work, or the necessity of it.

Nope, I do understand. Land of the free, the american dream, make a fortune of your own hard work or smart work. Buying something that's bad for you and then sueing the people who made it. Inegnious, how McDonalds was forced to pay a huge some because their coffee was hot. Anyway, it's good that you show entrepreneurial spirit, even though I find yourmeans morally condemnable (guilting people into donating even though they cannot afford it). Still, that means you are a businessman first, even though you try to disguise as someone holy. And in that case you should be properly taxed.


Quote:

Latest research suggests churches and religious organizations in the United States receive more than 82.5 billion US dollars per year in tax subsidies.
Hmm, the budget deficit is huge enough elaready. We don't need to expand it for something like this:
http://anonymouse.org/cgi-bin/anon-w...ad.php?t=93943

Quote:

Pastor responds to critics of his $1.7M home
Quote:

Clearly that is not enough. We don't spend it on foolishness like the catholics.
You heard the part about the popes palace?

From that very same thread:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
My estate is 32,000 square feet!

Admittedly it's not Vatican city, still it sure sounds as if you were not above such foolishness.

Quote:

You think he finds his Indonesian house boys through the local Merry Maids?
What does he need Indonesian house boys for? Can't he keep the house in proper fashion himself?

Mark L. Snyde, PhD 11-13-2013 12:56 AM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by winstonsomething (Post 1040955)
...
What does he need Indonesian house boys for? Can't he keep the house in proper fashion himself?

Just how many hours do you think our Dear Lord gave us in a day? Our Pastors are far too busy doing the heavy lifting for The Lord to be bothered with mundane tasks like house work. Their time is far too precious to be squandered like that. :thumbsup:

Jon Bradley 11-13-2013 04:16 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by winstonsomething (Post 1040955)
Nope, I do understand. Land of the free, the american dream, make a fortune of your own hard work or smart work. Buying something that's bad for you and then sueing the people who made it. Inegnious, how McDonalds was forced to pay a huge some because their coffee was hot. Anyway, it's good that you show entrepreneurial spirit, even though I find yourmeans morally condemnable (guilting people into donating even though they cannot afford it). Still, that means you are a businessman first, even though you try to disguise as someone holy. And in that case you should be properly taxed.


:stop:

We follow the divine path of Capitalism and Low Corporate Taxes because Jesus was the first Business Man®. "And he said unto them, How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business?" Luke 2:49. America's Dreaming about Jesus :biggrinthumb:

The Church is a Divine Corporation, not built by human hands. We answer to a Higher Power :innocent:, above the laws that govern normal business, therefore not susceptible to secular taxes. We tax them. Hope that helps.

In His Grip,

Jon Bradley, Financial Peace University Teacher Assistant

WWJDnow 11-15-2013 11:07 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by winstonsomething (Post 1040931)
The point is Landover Baptist church is a church. Churches receive tax benefits. I find that inappropriate given your strong profit orientation.

The Landover Baptist Church isn't about making a profit, it is about saving souls and making America a decent place to live again. All of the proceeds of tithing and various fundraisers go straight into our religious programs. Yes, I know that, to an outsider, it appears strange that our senior pastors have private jets, personal chefs, Rolls Royces and Ferraris, memberships at exclusive golf clubs, summer homes in various destination spots worldwide, etc., but that is just God's way of rewarding them for their strong faith in Him and for a job well done. God knows that He has to pay competitive wages to attract high caliber talent to run His favorite church.

If you worked as hard as our pastors do for the Lord, He would bless you with rewards like this, too. But instead of getting up off your lazy liberal behind and doing your part, all you do is attack those who work harder than you do for being successful.

Cranky Old Man 11-15-2013 11:28 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by winstonsomething (Post 1040955)
sueing the people who made it. Inegnious, how McDonalds was forced to pay a huge some because their coffee was hot

There are a lot more reasons why McDonalds should be sued into oblivion. Their pathetic excuse for bread is a direct insult to Jesus Christ.

John 6:58
King James Version (KJV)

58 This is that bread which came down from heaven: not as your fathers did eat manna, and are dead: he that eateth of this bread shall live for ever.

Quote:

What does he need Indonesian house boys for? Can't he keep the house in proper fashion himself?
Of course not! He is too busy doing important work for the Lord. He has to pound the ecstasy of the Holy Spirit into those house boys over and over and over and over again.

Walter Van Slyke 12-18-2013 11:45 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by winstonthewhiner (Post 1040931)
The point is Landover Baptist church is a church. Churches receive tax benefits. I find that inappropriate given your strong profit orientation.

You poor, confused slob.

In Mark 8:36 we read:

Quote:

For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
...but if a man can gain the whole world AND save his soul, isn't that even better? Of course it is. I suggest you send a big check right away. Your soul will be saved, and you might even get a ride on Brother Ezekiel's yacht.

Naomi Ruth Lamb 12-22-2013 11:19 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother Larry (Post 1040724)
:lord-fancy: :jesus-fancy:,

I hope You will post again this year. I wasn't part of this forum when You chose to bless us with Your Presence. I'm just an unworthy servant, with no one that cares much about me - but I know You care.

If You will even say hello, it would be enough to last a lifetime.

"I can't believe how I wasted all of those years. I can't believe that I cried so many tears. If my love could be measured by the tears that I've cried, there'd be an ocean from where I stand that would reach to the other side. Jesus, I'm an open book. Won't you read every page of my heart? Jesus won't you take a look and help me make a brand new start."

Humbly,
Brother Larry

What a shame that this thread has strayed from its original intent. Is it possible that the LORD might, indeed, offer His time to the lowly servants below? I too would be honored beyond belief to even have Him in the same thread with me. Take Heart, Brother Larry, for Christmas has not yet past! Lord God, won't You send Your Son, JesOS in hand, to greet us here?

Pastor Ezekiel 12-22-2013 11:54 PM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb (Post 1050154)
What a shame that this thread has strayed from its original intent. Is it possible that the LORD might, indeed, offer His time to the lowly servants below? I too would be honored beyond belief to even have Him in the same thread with me. Take Heart, Brother Larry, for Christmas has not yet past! Lord God, won't You send Your Son, JesOS in hand, to greet us here?

Amen, sister, amen.

I have no doubt that Jesus will return to this thread on His Holy Birthday, if enough of you Pray for it. :pray:

And tithing robustly, don't forget that. :shades2:

Dr Laurence Niles 12-23-2013 12:15 AM

Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again
 
Hopefully Jesus will be here soon to sort out all of the decadence in this world.

All the murder, paedophilia and rape (anal) will be brought to an end as He takes us True Christians™ up to Heaven to sing His praises at His bosom for all eternity.

I sure hope He drops in to give us a workable timeframe for the Rapture.

YIC


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