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Naomi Ruth Lamb 01-20-2014 09:28 PM

Almost 24 and Unmarried
 
Sisters in Christ,

Those of you that have been fortunate enough to have a husband will never understand my grief at nearing the age of 24 and still living at home with Mother and Father. The only thing that soothes my soul is the pending application I have at Leviticus Landing for the condo my parents will inhabit while I complete the application process for Apostles Park Court (is the 24 page form really necessary?). Well, that and this luscious peach pie I made for the Men's Fellowship meeting tomorrow morning. I don't know why they want me to wear the French Maid outfit they purchased for me to serve it, but who am I to question the fine men of the church?

Pastor Ezekiel, since Father continues to deny permission for any suitor thus far, is it Biblical for you to choose someone for me? I don't want to live my life alone, but if it is meant for me to be a purveyor of pie and live in Freehold on my own, I shall do so. I know I can do a great service for the men of Landover in that way. I also don't want just "anyone."

Pray with me, ladies, that Jesus sends someone into my life soon. If He does not, by 25 I am most certainly assured an Old Maid's title, wouldn't you think? Oh, PLEASE, Leviticus Landing, come through for me.

Darn slow Joo lawyers. I apologize for saying the "D" word.

Oh, and if anyone can contact Vavoline, I would like to speak to her about being a caregiver for Mother and Father. I could provide housing in the condo and an appropriate salary.

NRL

Dr Laurence Niles 01-20-2014 09:38 PM

Re: Almost 24 and Unmarried
 
What a most meritorious idea.

Pastor Zeke has a rare eye for fine young gentlemen, firm thighed, clean limbed and eager to be the one who could sire many soldiers of Christ upon decent Christian women.

I'm sure that if you let Pastor Zeke have a taste of your most delicious pie he will select a husky, manly Christian male for you.

But be advised: you womanly hormones will most likely take control so under no account imagine those burly, muscular youths, moving with the unconscious grace that only unselfconsciously masculine males display.

I sometimes look at my youthful, young Nephew and wonder what kind of wholesome manly man he will one day become: but you must not do so.

If you do have such thoughts tell a Pastor, immediately.

YIC

Naomi Ruth Lamb 01-20-2014 10:17 PM

Re: Almost 24 and Unmarried
 
Philippians 4:8:
"Finally, brethren, whatsoeuer things are true, whatsoeuer things are honest, whatsoeuer things are iust, whatsoeuer things are pure, whatsoeuer things are louely, whatsoeuer things are of good report: if there bee any vertue, and if there bee any praise, thinke on these things."

Dr. Niles,

Again, the special love you have for your nephew truly touches my heart. I picture you, as you watch him sleep, filled with the True Christian ™ desire to aid him as he grows and develops into a wiry, muscular, strong, appropriately proportioned man, virile and masculine. I see you being somewhat sad as you watch him give his heart someday to a woman, since at that time you will find it harder to watch his every move. Praise Jesus for the influence you've had on his life.

I feel very convinced that you are correct: Pastor Zeke has a fine eye for all things, not the least of which is the selection of firm buttocked, Godly men. While I feel GOD is leading me toward a pie shop in Freehold, there is no reason why I couldn't have both.

I am sending you a bottle of wine to sip (Even our Lord knew the importance of wine) as you continue to watch over your nephew. Perhaps you will also have a remembrance of your former wife as you carefully and responsibly enjoy the fruit of the vine. That will surely bring you peace.

Again, thank you for your words of wisdom. Fed Ex should be knocking any moment with the wine. (Surprise: it's actually 2 bottles!)

NRL

Alvin Moss 01-21-2014 02:25 AM

Re: Almost 24 and Unmarried
 
Fear not Sister. Ther Lord will provide, I am sure.

You still have as much as several months before you would be considered unmarriageable.

God Bless!

VictoryOS 01-21-2014 03:19 AM

Re: Almost 24 and Unmarried
 
Take heart, Sister Naomi! I didn't find my Wonderful Husband until I was well over 24! :D

As beautiful as you are, I'm sure a nice young man will desire to take you as his helpmeet. Just be patient and continue to practice making your pies as appealing and savory as possible. It's the quickest way to a man's heart!

Pastor Ezekiel 01-21-2014 03:27 AM

Re: Almost 24 and Unmarried
 
Funny story. Over in the slant countries, girls who are unmarried by the age of 24 are called "Christmas Cake." It refers to the delicious, sweet cakes that are sold all over the place leading up to the Lords birthday for very high prices. Any cake not sold by Dec. 24 is considered old and stale, and impossible to sell.

Just sayin'....:gleam:

Mark L. Snyde, PhD 01-21-2014 06:07 AM

Re: Almost 24 and Unmarried
 
I have been and will continue to pray for you, dear Sister Naomi. When I speak with Jesus, he has been quite evasive on the subject, and so I feel he has very special plans for you that are not to be divulged, at least not to me, at this point in time. Just know that Jesus has a twinkle in his eye when He thinks of you. :innocent:

Quote:

Romans 8:28 (1611 King James Bible)

And wee know that all things worke together for good, to them that loue God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.


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