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-   -   Help Me Understand the Purchase Application (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=96146)

Naomi Ruth Lamb 01-21-2014 12:38 AM

Help Me Understand the Purchase Application
 
Marla Jennings, True Christian ™ Realtor, is on vacation and I received the following letter from the Property Manager at Leviticus Landings:

"Dear Miss Lamb:

We are in receipt of your application to purchase a condo at Leviticus Landings for your parents. The Board has a few concerns:

1. One or more of your parents is reported to have early onset dementia. We consider this tantamount to demon possession.
2. Special consideration for approval of this purchase has not yet been given by the senior pastors of Landover Baptist Church.

No one is allowed to reside in Freehold's gated community if they have the smallest speck of sin stains. We need to be assured that a senior pastor has declared both of your parents to be free of sin. We therefore recommend the Buyer's Exorcism and Soul Cleansing package as an addendum to your sales contract. Not only will this speed your purchase, but it will give you peace of mind in knowing that your loved ones will enter heaven's gates after they enter ours..."

Is there an extra charge for this package? Can one of the senior pastors see that I get a package in my hands soon? Is there a safe community outside of Freehold where my parents could live comfortably? Will they be relegated to the bleacher seats for Sunday Services, or can I get passes for the Holy of Holy Inner Sanctuary for them? So many details, so much red tape.

Yours in Him,
NRL

see_the_light 01-23-2014 02:31 AM

Re: Help Me Understand the Purchase Application
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb (Post 1057965)
Marla Jennings, True Christian ™ Realtor, is on vacation and I received the following letter from the Property Manager at Leviticus Landings:

"Dear Miss Lamb:

We are in receipt of your application to purchase a condo at Leviticus Landings for your parents. The Board has a few concerns:

1. One or more of your parents is reported to have early onset dementia. We consider this tantamount to demon possession.
2. Special consideration for approval of this purchase has not yet been given by the senior pastors of Landover Baptist Church.

No one is allowed to reside in Freehold's gated community if they have the smallest speck of sin stains. We need to be assured that a senior pastor has declared both of your parents to be free of sin. We therefore recommend the Buyer's Exorcism and Soul Cleansing package as an addendum to your sales contract. Not only will this speed your purchase, but it will give you peace of mind in knowing that your loved ones will enter heaven's gates after they enter ours..."

Is there an extra charge for this package? Can one of the senior pastors see that I get a package in my hands soon? Is there a safe community outside of Freehold where my parents could live comfortably? Will they be relegated to the bleacher seats for Sunday Services, or can I get passes for the Holy of Holy Inner Sanctuary for them? So many details, so much red tape.

Yours in Him,
NRL

Just sign the papers and give your account details. The pastors will take care of your package with the utmost care and fulfill it to perfection.

As noted in your realtor's information your old mother will be saved if you take that choice, as for the placement (and depending on her condition) it might be outside of view, for both her and everybody else's good.

But as mentioned in another post, you should consider the financial impact of the additional burden, it would be most unwise to spend all on your mother and not having enough for yourself.

As you don't have a father nor a husband, feel free to ask any TRUE CHRISTIAN man to help you with your package and instruction.

PRAISE THE LORD!

Naomi Ruth Lamb 01-23-2014 04:45 AM

Re: Help Me Understand the Purchase Application
 
Marla phoned me from Aruba today. She said to tell everyone hello and she's praying Jesus will send some of the warmth she's enjoying to all of us. (Then she giggled that precious giggle of hers - bless her heart.)

I signed and Fed Exed the application, including the exorcism package. Mother will be seen for exorcism when Pastor Zeke or his designee is available once the sale goes through. Marla doesn't see any problems with moving in by March 1.

See the Light, my father is alive and well. I am sorry you misunderstood; that is my fault as a woman for not being clear enough.

Still trying to get in touch with Vavoline unless someone else knows an available maid. Mother and Father will be fine after the exorcism but I would prefer having someone that can look in on them when I am busy selling and baking pie.

Brother Mark, have you made any decisions about where you're moving yet? Marla is awesome. Just keep your hands off of Apostle's Park Court, sir!

Pastor Ezekiel 01-23-2014 04:50 AM

Re: Help Me Understand the Purchase Application
 
I'm not that keen on the idea of an unattached female flitting around in Apostle's Grove. :hmmm:

Naomi Ruth Lamb 01-23-2014 05:00 AM

Re: Help Me Understand the Purchase Application
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 1058484)
I'm not that keen on the idea of an unattached female flitting around in Apostle's Grove. :hmmm:

Most of my day will be spent on Paul Crouch Drive. My time at home will be spent in prayer, fasting, and serving the people of the neighborhood. (Wink, wink)

Still have problems with it, Pastor? I will have a spare key that I need someone to hold. I just can't imagine who to ask.

Pastor Ezekiel 01-23-2014 05:03 AM

Re: Help Me Understand the Purchase Application
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb (Post 1058488)
Most of my day will be spent on Paul Crouch Drive. My time at home will be spent in prayer, fasting, and serving the people of the neighborhood. (Wink, wink)

Still have problems with it, Pastor? I will have a spare key that I need someone to hold. I just can't imagine who to ask.

You only think you have a spare key. :to_keep_order:


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