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Rev. Dr. Davidson 02-05-2007 12:24 PM

Basic words to forum by
 
This is something I’ve seen in numerous threads, but somehow keeps getting ignored. We ask so little of new members, but they seem to lash out at anyone and everything. Here’s a few guidelines for you newbies.

1: Be civil in your posts.
2: Please ask questions in proper English. This means to use proper punctuation, grammar, and capitalize.
3: Don’t verbally attack anyone else in the forums. Some people are actually here to learn how to be True Christians™.
4: Don’t assume you are right. Chances are that you are only spouting what you think is right because some homer told you it was.
5: Keep an open mind. If you are easily offended, there are forums that cater to you. We suggest that you go there.
6: If you don’t agree, please post your response intelligently. Remember that you catch more flies with honey.
7: If you don’t like what you see, you can always leave. This is a forum for True Christians™, and we didn’t ask you to be here. You chose to come.
8: When in doubt, ask one of our Godly pastors or moderators.
9: Please use the “search” function. Chances are that you’re posting the same thing as a hundred people before you. Please look for a thread that is relevant.
10: Again, if you disagree, you have the option of leaving instead of attacking all the True Christians™ in these forums.
11: Vote Republican as any God fearing True Christian™ would.
12: It is best to keep your mouth shut (or your fingers still) when you don’t know for sure. Again, either ask nicely or keep silence.

Mrs. Mary Whitford 02-05-2007 12:56 PM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
Amen, Brother.

Rev. Dr. Davidson 02-05-2007 01:18 PM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
I would also ask that our Godly pastors and moderators feel free to add to this. These were just my first thoughts.

Pastor Isaac Peters 02-06-2007 12:44 AM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
Thank you, Brother. I pray that the hellbound trash will see the undeniable wisdom of your advice. Now, I'd like to add a few things:

13. We don't take your word for what God wants. We take God's word for what He wants, as given to us in the Holy King James Bible. When you tell us what you think God wants, be sure to back it up with direct quotations from Scripture, giving chapter and verse.
14. Don't just tell us that we are wrong. If you are so sure that we are wrong, try showing us, using God's Word (see #13). You might just learn something yourself.
15. Our holy faith is based solidly on Scripture, which is given by inspiration of God (II Timothy 3:16). If what we say offends you, then you're offended by God, not by us.

Father Maurice Lester 02-12-2007 03:21 AM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
...........

16. The number of teeth the average Landovarian has in their mouth.

17. The average age a Landovarian marries their sibling.

18. The number of Landovarians who haven't failed an IQ test!

19. The number of Landovarians yet to be indicted for internet fraud. (see paypal button below!)

20. The number of the last twenty Popes who went straight to Heaven! HELL!



Bless you, my lunatic fringers,
Father Mo

Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. 02-12-2007 03:28 AM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
Ignoring Father Mo's drivel...

16. If a woman, obtain written documentation of your husband's (or, failing that, father's) permission to be here.
17. Understand that the path to Heaven is long and hard. No one ever claimed that living for Jesus was easy. You are best off following any edicts given by a Pastor, and following them to the letter.
18. When quoting the Bible, ensure that it is from the only Bible endorsed by God Himself, the 1611 King James Version. Any other version will be edited/deleted.

WickedWitch 02-21-2007 01:23 AM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
I know I'm not a True Christian™, and I'm a woman, but there's something I'd like to add to this list:

19. Don't spam. There's no point to making ridiculous threads like "YOU MUST ALL LIKE NASCAR" or "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU - HARRY POTTER ROX MY SOX!!11!1" or other such (retarded) things. If you're going to post the same thing over and over and over, you're going to be seriously disliked by everyone here. (And you'll probably end up being banned for being an annoyance.)

tinfoil 12-27-2007 12:13 AM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
So you don't think you have any rights? Just because of a translation passed down through a ton of generations that could have changed all they wanted? I think you people are seriously misguided superior Republicans. The last statement I do not mean as a compliment, seeing as they are responsible for lack of funding on Stem-Cell research, an unnescessary and futile war, and one of the most entertaining (yet stupid) presidents ever. I don't think I'm perfect, and I hope but don't necessary hold for certain that I will go to heaven, but I think most of these people are superior intolerant misguided sexists or blind sheep followers. I know you guys want to prevent me from going to hell, but I think if I followed instructions on this site, I'd get there pretty fast.
1. Go out and buy a gun sponsored by a Republican government official.
2. Find some people who might be gay.
3. Shoot them.
4. Burn.

SalvationSeeker 12-27-2007 12:27 AM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tinioril (Post 121815)
I know you guys want to prevent me from going to hell, but I think if I followed instructions on this site, I'd get there pretty fast.

The instructions on how to avoid going to hell found on this site..
Can also be found in a little book called the Holy Bible.
Try reading it. :thumbdown:

tinfoil 12-27-2007 12:34 AM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
I read Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, The Gospels, and Revalation. I learned that I have to knock down walls with mildew on them. Do you do that? Oh, and have you heard of this thing called the Holocaust? Or the Spanish Inquisition? Or the Salem Witch Trials? All done in the name of God.

Pastor Ezekiel 12-27-2007 12:43 AM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tinioril (Post 121827)
I read Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, The Gospels, and Revalation. I learned that I have to knock down walls with mildew on them. Do you do that? Oh, and have you heard of this thing called the Holocaust? Or the Spanish Inquisition? Or the Salem Witch Trials? All done in the name of God.

You have to become a True Christian™ before you can hope to understand the Holy Bible.

John 8:43 Why do ye not understand my speech? even because ye cannot hear my word. 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. 8:45 And because I tell you the truth, ye believe me not.

Also, try reading the entire Bible, not just the parts you like.

SalvationSeeker 12-27-2007 12:45 AM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tinioril (Post 121827)
I read Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, The Gospels, and Revalation. I learned that I have to knock down walls with mildew on them. Do you do that?

Just what are you talking about?
There are but five verses in the KJV with the word mildew in them.
(And not a single one of them are in the books you mentioned.)
None of them mentions knocking down walls that have mildew on them.
So no.

Quote:

Oh, and have you heard of this thing called the Holocaust? Or the Spanish Inquisition? Or the Salem Witch Trials? All done in the name of God.
And you persecute us in the name of God;
Because The servants of satan can, and will, pretend to be servants of God.
Just look at the cathylicks. :thumbdown:

As for witch trials..
If you've read Exodus, then most surely you know that witches are to be killed?
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.
Exodus 22:18

VictoryOS 12-27-2007 12:48 AM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
Friend, you can be Mr. Smarty-Pants all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that you're on the fast track to Hell. Instead of trying to find something clever to say (and missing the mark, I might add), maybe you should try to learn a thing or two while you're here.

In my younger days, I too was an Unsaved heathen. Why, I once woke up in a stranger's closet wearing a fur hat I'd never seen before in my life! I realize now that I was simply over-analyzing things. Thinking too much, if you will. That's the work of Satan. He puts seeds of doubt into your mind. My life really turned around once I stopped thinking with my brain and started thinking with the Bible. Everything you need to know is already sorted out for you in the pages of the Holy Book. So why bother?

He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he. (Deuteronomy 32:4)

Praise JESUS, tinioral, may you find your way!

Larry Lee 12-27-2007 12:50 AM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tinioril (Post 121827)
I read Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, The Gospels, and Revalation. I learned that I have to knock down walls with mildew on them. Do you do that? Oh, and have you heard of this thing called the Holocaust? Or the Spanish Inquisition? Or the Salem Witch Trials? All done faithfully in the name of God.

Your reading doesn't seem to have increased your knowledge of God's dictates much.

tinfoil 12-27-2007 05:39 PM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by VictoryOS (Post 121836)
Friend, you can be Mr. Smarty-Pants all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that you're on the fast track to Hell. Instead of trying to find something clever to say (and missing the mark, I might add), maybe you should try to learn a thing or two while you're here.

In my younger days, I too was an Unsaved heathen. Why, I once woke up in a stranger's closet wearing a fur hat I'd never seen before in my life! I realize now that I was simply over-analyzing things. Thinking too much, if you will. That's the work of Satan. He puts seeds of doubt into your mind. My life really turned around once I stopped thinking with my brain and started thinking with the Bible. Everything you need to know is already sorted out for you in the pages of the Holy Book. So why bother?

He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he. (Deuteronomy 32:4)

Praise JESUS, tinioral, may you find your way!

I'm not an unsaved heathen. I'm a Presbyterian who believes that Jesus is the only way to heaven. What does a closet and a fur hat have to do with anything? What I'm learning is that if everyone was this kind of "Christian", Women would have no rights, everyone would be rascist, and we would be killing gay people left and right. And "witches". I bother with thinking because I'm not a Republican. I do praise Jesus, and it doesn't involve hate.

P.S. It's tinioril. With an i.

SalvationSeeker 12-27-2007 06:49 PM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tinioril (Post 121924)
I'm not an unsaved heathen. I'm a Presbyterian who believes that Jesus is the only way to heaven.

If you're Saved then why don't you obey the commandments?
Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven;
But he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Matthew 7:21

That's Jesus Himself speaking, and what's so hard for you to understand in what He says? :huh:

Really, you can call yourself Saved all you want, but that doesn't make it so.
As it looks right now, yours will be the fate of the people mentioned in Matthew 7:22-23
Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name?
And in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you:
Depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Matthew 7:22-23

As the Holy Bible says:
But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
James 1:22

And that's what you're doing right now, deceiving yourself.
He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.
1 John 2:4

Quote:

I do praise Jesus, and it doesn't involve hate.
You praise nothing but a false fantasy god that you have created in your own image and named after Jesus. :thumbdown:

Ye that love the LORD, hate evil:
He preserveth the souls of his saints;
He delivereth them out of the hand of the wicked.
Psalm 97:10

Mr Godwin 12-29-2007 02:47 AM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tinioril (Post 121924)

I'm not an unsaved heathen. I'm a Presbyterian who believes that Jesus is the only way to heaven.

(and blah blah)

I bother with thinking because I'm not a Republican. I do praise Jesus, and it doesn't involve hate.

I'm afraid I have bad news for you, Mr Tinioril.

If you're a Presbyterian, you are a heathen and you are not Saved®. For your information, of course. I'm a man of facts, Mr Tinioril, I deal in cold hard facts. For many years my kin from Carolina were involved with that sissy false-church, but it so happened that we on my side of the family were true Baptists.

Baptists read the whole Word of the living GOD, Mr Tinioril. We don't pick and choose what we like and leave out the rest. We don't interpret. We don't think. God doesn't want you to think, Mr Tinioril. He wants you to believe on Him. Utterly. For your information.

Last summer after a tragic death in the family, two of my cousins from that side of the family finally saw the error of their ways and converted to true Baptist, and of course their wives converted right along with them, as it is proper for good wives to do. For your information. I'm a man of information, Mr Tinioril.

I'm also a GODLY Republican, as Jesus commands. I do praise Jesus, but unlike an ignorant person such as yourself, I know what the Bible actually says, and I have bad news for you, some of God's Word most certainly does involve hate. If God hates, so do we hate. We follow GOD, and we don't question His Holy Word. For it is written thus:

John 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

1st Corinthians 5:12 For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within?
1st Corinthians 5:13 But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

I hope this helps,
Mr Tinioril.

Sincerely,
Brother Godwin

:)

tinfoil 12-30-2007 02:42 AM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
You just admitted you don't think. Was that whole arguement put into your mind by god and you didn't think about it? Is that it? What if I think Baptists are Heathens? What then? And when does Jesus say "Vote for the Republican idiots"? Show me that verse.

Pastor Ezekiel 12-30-2007 03:32 AM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tinfoil (Post 122474)
You just admitted you don't think. Was that whole arguement put into your mind by god and you didn't think about it? Is that it? What if I think Baptists are Heathens? What then? And when does Jesus say "Vote for the Republican idiots"? Show me that verse.

Obviously there was no voting back in the olden days. Are you that ignorant?

SalvationSeeker 12-30-2007 04:15 PM

Re: Basic words to forum by
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tinfoil (Post 122474)
You just admitted you don't think. Was that whole arguement put into your mind by god and you didn't think about it? Is that it?

Have you ever read Proverbs 3:5-6? Probably not.
Try it.

Quote:

What if I think Baptists are Heathens? What then?
Then I'll reply like this:
Since when did what you think ever matter in the least? :thumbdown:
(It never did and still doesn't, that's when.)

Opinions doesn't change the facts, never has, never will.


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