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-   -   Manly Jokes (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=32726)

Sidoain 07-28-2010 07:47 PM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
What do we have that Adam never had?

Ancestors


Benedict A. Davis 07-28-2010 08:31 PM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sidoain (Post 566883)
What do we have that Adam never had?

Ancestors


What we have that you never will?

A future

iluvdarwin 07-28-2010 08:36 PM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Jesus walks into a bar, lies 3 nails on the counter and asks, "Can you put me up for the night?"

landoverlover 08-02-2010 08:06 AM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Guy gets a call to go to the hospital - his wife had been in a horrible car accident.

The doctor calls him aside and says, "I'm sorry to have to tell you that your wife will be in a semi-vegetative state for the rest of her life." The guy is shocked and feels faint. The doctor says, "She will need around-the-clock care. Your wife will not be able to control her bowels. Unless she has complete facial reconstruction there will be a great deal of her skull visible. Because of brain damage she will have bouts of uncontrollable violent seizures. She will be unable to speak except for shrieks and grunting. You will have to spoon-feed her baby food. Sex will be out of the question."

By now the guy is ready to pass out with panic and feels the room spin. The doc continues, "And I'm sorry to tell you that your insurance won't cover any long-term care, which will be about $600,000 each year."

This is just too much. The guy starts to collapse to the floor when the doctor starts laughing, and says, "Hey, relax, it's OK, I'm just messing with you.....she's dead...."

******
(ps, Do I get a medal now?)

Rev. M. Rodimer 08-02-2010 06:32 PM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by landoverlover (Post 569562)
******
(ps, Do I get a medal now?)

I believe they're working on a "witless gorm" medal.

Benedict A. Davis 08-02-2010 07:39 PM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
I have to stop watching the news it gets me depressed, there is bad news everywhere.
Just last night I heard stories of the world going to hell in a handbag, The American nation cow-towing to the mooselims, have to borrow money from the sand jockeys to keep the world running, no jobs for anybody, people loosing their homes....and it got worse!
It got so bad that I decided to call the suicide hotline.....and it got worse!
The hotline had been out sourced to a phone line in Pakistan...and it got worse!
When I told the guy how depressed I was and how I just didn't know how I was going to get thru it. He called over a bunch of his co workers and had me repeat my story....and it got worse!
When I was finished telling them my story all they wanted to know was if I could drive a truck!

landoverlover 08-03-2010 03:50 AM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Q. What do you get when you cross a Mexican with a Mormon?

A. A basement full of stolen groceries.

self_abusing_sinner 08-03-2010 05:58 AM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Why do women laugh at men?
Because they think they are smarter.

Why do men chuckle at women?
They know God gave them the power.

Why do men listen to women?
Because they are humble.

Cheers,
sas

God'sWarrior 08-03-2010 06:22 AM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Want to hear a funny joke?
Womens Rights

How long does it take for a man to make dinner?
As long as it takes for him to get out the belt
.

Why did the woman cross the road?
To go to the grocery store, of coarse!


What does a beer bottle and a Woman have in common?
There both empty from the neck up.


How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.


How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you.


How do you know when a woman’s about to say something smart?

  • When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t, there’s a clock on the oven!
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you’re gonna to want to shoot it.



If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he’ll shut up after you let him in.


What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman



If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

self_abusing_sinner 08-03-2010 07:31 AM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
What do bigots and satanists call their wives?
Whore, slut, bitch, etc.

What do Christian men call their wives?
Their better half.

That's no joke either.

God bless.

sas

landoverlover 08-04-2010 01:10 AM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by self_aware_sinner (Post 570524)
What do bigots and satanists call their wives?
Whore, slut, bitch, etc.

What do Christian men call their wives?
Their better half.

That's no joke either.

God bless.

sas

I thought there weren't supposed to be women or homers telling jokes here

self_abusing_sinner 08-04-2010 03:17 AM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by landoverlover (Post 571095)
I thought there weren't supposed to be women or homers telling jokes here

I can appreciate this kind of humor, but, ONLY and I mean ONLY after we've established we've got a deep-seated sense of respect for women. Without that this thread is just .. evil - almost! I'm sure you do not wish to offend the Good Lord. That said, let the fun resume. I'm all for it. It's simply good fun, all round. I get it is what I'm trying to say.

sas

James Dewitt 08-04-2010 03:28 AM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by self_aware_sinner (Post 571215)
I can appreciate this kind of humor, but, ONLY and I mean ONLY after we've established we've got a deep-seated sense of respect for women. Without that this thread is just .. evil - almost! I'm sure you do not wish to offend the Good Lord. That said, let the fun resume. I'm all for it. It's simply good fun, all round. I get it is what I'm trying to say.

sas

This section is reserved for men. Females and Homers are not allowed. exit and do not return.

self_abusing_sinner 08-04-2010 04:18 AM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by James Dewitt (Post 571221)
This section is reserved for men. Females and Homers are not allowed. exit and do not return.

You're just boiling over with lust aren't you, you greedy business man you?

:angry: = :devil:

:wub::wub: :thumbdown:

:innocent::o

Katander 08-04-2010 06:10 PM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Why does Jesus make a bad hockey player?




- He keeps on getting nailed to the boards!



:nhl_fight:

Brother Temperance 08-04-2010 06:17 PM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by self_aware_sinner (Post 571276)
You're just boiling over with lust aren't you, you greedy business man you?

:angry: = :devil:

:wub::wub: :thumbdown:

:innocent::o

What are you even trying to say there? That angry people are the same as the Devil and then someone disapproved of the fact that two other people were aroused and then someone else was shocked close to someone with a halo? Seriously, was that post even an attempt to communicate anything at all, or did you just want to look at the pretty pictures?

Rev. M. Rodimer 08-04-2010 06:31 PM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by self_aware_sinner (Post 571276)
You're just boiling over with lust aren't you, you greedy business man you?

:angry: = :devil:

:wub::wub: :thumbdown:

:innocent::o

Let me guess, you're a Communist and think all businesses should be owned by the Government, so you can live off "someone else's money", right?

What does all that have to do with Manly Jokes?

Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were female, one was a male. As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the male gave a truly touching speech saying he would sacrifice himself to save the lives of the others. The females applauded.

self_abusing_sinner 08-04-2010 07:07 PM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
What is another term for assault victim?

Baptist family member.

Now THAT'S a manly joke harharhar

What is another term for pedophile or child molester?

Baptist gentleman

Hardyharharhar

The 'catliks' got nothing on you bunch of dirty old men mongering teenage girls like ever so much cattle. Even the young baptists look hungry for the time when they can set their sagging jowls and flappy guts into a nice piece of teen jailbait.

The devil laughs, he knows he will have plenty of customers from among the True Believers™.

Me, I feel more sad.. I guess that's compassion of sorts.

God bless,

sas

James Dewitt 08-04-2010 07:17 PM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by self_aware_sinner (Post 571864)
What is another term for assault victim?

Baptist family member.

Now THAT'S a manly joke harharhar

What is another term for pedophile or child molester?

Baptist gentleman

Hardyharharhar

The 'catliks' got nothing on you bunch of dirty old men mongering teenage girls like ever so much cattle. Even the young baptists look hungry for the time when they can set their sagging jowls and flappy guts into a nice piece of teen jailbait.

The devil laughs, he knows he will have plenty of customers from among the True Believers™.

Me, I feel more sad.. I guess that's compassion of sorts.

God bless,

sas

Thanks ever so much for stopping by, we do enjoy your precision.
Matthew 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

YIC James Dewitt

Seth Campbell 08-04-2010 07:18 PM

Re: Manly Jokes
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by self_aware_sinner (Post 571215)
I can appreciate this kind of humor, but, ONLY and I mean ONLY after we've established we've got a deep-seated sense of respect for women. Without that this thread is just .. evil - almost! I'm sure you do not wish to offend the Good Lord. That said, let the fun resume. I'm all for it. It's simply good fun, all round. I get it is what I'm trying to say.

sas

Well I guess you don't have to worry about the dogs biting your privates off since it doesn't look like you have any in the first place.

Quote:

Originally Posted by self_aware_sinner (Post 571864)
What is another term for assault victim?

Baptist family member.

Now THAT'S a manly joke harharhar

What is another term for pedophile or child molester?

Baptist gentleman

Hardyharharhar

The 'catliks' got nothing on you bunch of dirty old men mongering teenage girls like ever so much cattle. Even the young baptists look hungry for the time when they can set their sagging jowls and flappy guts into a nice piece of teen jailbait.

The devil laughs, he knows he will have plenty of customers from among the True Believers™.

Me, I feel more sad.. I guess that's compassion of sorts.

God bless,

sas

This from the man that ticked my wife off so much she blocked you. This morning she accidentally replied to a post and now she's so mad she's scrubbing cupboards. You have all of these preconceived notions about us in your head and absolutely nothing we say will change your mind.

Now get out of the mens section, this is for MEN, you know, people with actually functioning private parts.


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